so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
