the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize