he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
