I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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