I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize