2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
