PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
