Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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