Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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