Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
