Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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