You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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