And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
