i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
