Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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