She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize