The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
