So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
