god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
