Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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