i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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