everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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