Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize