So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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