I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
