Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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