his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
