ya dads aren't the best wingmen
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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