Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
