how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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