can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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