Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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