I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
