just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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