Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
