there's paper in my vomit.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
