well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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