ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
