Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
