i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
