there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
