why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
