But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
