Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The air was thick with penises
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
