Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
