u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
