Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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