So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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