i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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