I CAN MOONWALK!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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