isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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