I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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