Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
