Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
