i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
