Moan for me like Helen Keller
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
