he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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