I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
