We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
