I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
