Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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