Capitaan dildo arrescate!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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