Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
