never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
