I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
